partner in crime
by Call Me Tom
Summary: Alternatively entitled: 'the five times Greed and Ed kissed and the one time that everyone watched' / Set in the same AU as 'run! i'm a natural disaster'. Greed [Brotherhood] / Fem!Ed. Warning: Common swearing included.


**partner in crime**

or, the five times Greed and Ed kissed, and the one time everyone saw them

* * *

_1: with a scar on your heart_  
_[After a kill]_

It has been one of those days, Ed wearily thinks to herself, her hands wandering to tuck the loose strands of her braid behind her ears. She is, as per usual, in the middle bed of the huge family room they have managed to talk their way into acquiring- Greed most likely sweet-talked them (or maybe Darius- Ed reflected that he was really sweet when you got to know him). She knows that she's in the middle bed because she's _female_ which equates to _delicate_ (no matter how much she beats them up in spars), and she knows (she had been male once too), that men have strange instincts and ideas regarding protecting women. (And while she can now kill a man in over two hundred ways, she kinda likes the feeling of being protected.)

She absently shuffles a pack of blood-stained playing cards. The last place they had stayed had… turned on them.

_Angry grimaces, pitchforks, torches, cries of "Monsters- Demons!"_

There had been no military this time. But they had still had to fight their way out.

_Blood on her coat, dark crimson on brilliant red, silver arm covered in liquid, spikes jolting out_

The cards had been ruined in the fight. Ed laughs harshly at herself. Listen to her, worrying about _playing cards_ when she'd killed at least three _civilians_ on their way out. Ed looks at her hands, clean of blood; but still unimaginably soiled. She'll probably never feel clean again.

The door creaks and swings open, a tall man dressed in all black sauntering in like he owns the place.

"S'up, Greed?" she asks, putting her cards on the bedside cabinet. He makes no answer, instead coming to sit on the bed next to her, then behind her, before finally pulling her onto his lap.

"Comfortable?" Ed asks, and she can feel his grin as he buries his face in her hair, before messing it up. "Hey!" She yells, before retaliating by tickling him. The childish games continue for a few minutes, before Greed kisses her neck. He lightly bites her, sucking at her skin. Ed would have punched him, but he massages her shoulder and automail lightly, and it feels _heavenly._

The mishmash of activities designed to make Ed relax and forget what she had done earlier work perfectly. Greed kisses her on both cheeks before moving to his own bed, as Ed breaths softly, easily drifting into sleep. He is comforted by the knowledge gained through travelling with Ed- he knows that she will have no flashbacks or nightmares of the events today (at least this night).

- / -

Heinkel and Darius hope that Greed can make Ed repair herself- the damage called by taking the life of another is always hard to fix- and Ed was pretty broken beforehand. They would be way out of their depths up there.

"Another drink?" asks Heinkel  
"Yeah, get me some apple juice."  
"Not drinking?" At Darius' _look_, Heinkel snots and turns to the barmaid, "And a Vodka for me, Beautiful"

The maid giggles, and Heinkel looks forward to his own comforts- losing himself in alcohol and whores sounds like a good plan.

Darius rests his head on the table, groaning about idiot best friends who will end up with liver poisoning and STDs. He brings out his book on pottery, snags an apple and loses himself to his own "secret" enjoyment.

* * *

_2: c'mon sugar, c'mon sugar, be mine_  
_[Pub hopping]_

Greed has assumed position #1, namely sitting on a stool right by the bar and going through alcohol like it's water, locking eyes with the nameless girls (and some guys- he's _Greed_, and wants _everything_) that walk past him with bedroom eyes. He knows that he's sexy, and the smirk that covers his face at that thought makes one woman flush scarlet and rub her thighs together.

The smirk gets wider after that.

Heinkel and Darius are "gathering Intel"- Greed knows that in point of fact, they're having a mothers meeting with the older generation of woman, and enjoying the promise of scandalous affairs with the 'mothers' afterwards. He doesn't begrudge them it. Older, finer, experienced women are alright, but he prefers younger energetic ones.

'_Could have gone without knowing that, Greed._' Whispers Ling's voice in the back of his mind, '_Anyway, have you seen Ed? She hasn't gotten herself kidnapped or anything, has she?'_

This is a disturbingly good point. As good as Ed is at fighting and surviving, her skill at being in the wrong place at the wrong time is so great it could be an art form. He glances around, searching for the familiar golden hair and new black coat. Not by the pool tables… not at the bar… not playing card games… _there_.

Playing darts with men twice her size stands Ed, sipping on an orange and ginger mock-tail. From the looks of astonishment on their faces, he assumes that she is winning. Slowly making his way over, winking at a few of the girls and grinning at the looks he knows are focused on him (and, of course, his magnificent physique), he watches the men.

And then one smirks at Ed, licking his lips as she lines up to take another shot, the fabric clinging to her chest in a way that would make any red-blooded man have to adjust his pants. Another, as she walks past to get to her drink, pats her bum. One of the others hugs her to congratulate her for her win.

'_**Mine.**__' _Greed thinks harshly, and he is overwhelmed by anger. Ed is **his** to touch, **his **to oggle, **his** in every which way and then some. He stalks over to them like a predator, similar to the way a big cat would, but somehow different to the way that Heinkel does it.

Ed looks at him with relieved eyes, as he wraps his arms around her. He glares at the other men, his purple eyes enhancing the effect.

One gulps. Greed allows himself to feel momentary satisfaction, before he smirks, and pulls Ed's mouth roughly to his.

She responds positively, he is happy to note, pushing her body against his and mewing into his lips. He runs his hands down her body, squeezing her bum, where the other man touched, because he couldn't have other people's _germs_ on what was **his**.

Ed gently pushes him away, and goes to take her turn again.

He mouths "_Mine_" to every man there, and they all nod. Message sent and received. He sits down to watch his prize possession throw darts, a deep feeling settling inside his stomach.

- / -

(They never end up talking about the kiss.

_She_ knows that he's possessive, and doesn't like people touching her. He was just making sure that they didn't do it again, and solidifying their cover. Nothing more.

**He** knows that her body's still adjusting, and that she's never felt an emotion that wasn't familial. The reactions were all hormones. Nothing more.

Neither ever admits to feeling somewhat disappointed, even inside their heads.)

- / -

[Ling can tell though. But he doesn't talk about it either, trying to be a good friend.  
Oh, and the fact that Ed's like his sister, and kissing his _sister_ was a pretty weird feeling.]

* * *

_3. let's burn down this town tonight_  
_[Promised day, part i]_

Ed looks at the distant shape of Amestris from their vantage point, a tree against her back as she watches the sun rise slowly over the shape of a thousand roof-tops. The people that live in those homes are the ones she is fighting to save; and it's kind of scary how many people are relying on her- on them. She unconsciously leans in a little closer to her group, desperately not wanting to be alone in this.

"You OK?" Greed asks, moving closer to her. His presence calms her down, and if she wasn't so worried she'd be flipping her shit, because _fuck_ when did that start to happen. "Hey, Kitten. Breathe. Tell me what's wrong."

She sighs, and looks up at him through her eyelashes. "Just a bit nervous, that's all. It's a bit silly really."

Darius snorts from behind them. "Yeah, we're only going up against the whole Central force, plus a bunch of immortals, and trying to beat a dude that's trying to be better than a _God_. Nothing to worry about."

Ed breathes deeply, and squeezes Greed's hand. To be honest, she isn't sure when she took it, but as he doesn't seem to mind, and she really doesn't give a shit about what the others think, she keeps holding on to it.

"Remember the plan?" asks Heinkel.

"How could we forget, you bloody went over it about five times, Heinkel!" answers Darius exasperatedly.

"Let's go then." Greed says, and his voice is cool and calm, silky smooth in a way that sends shivers down Ed's spine. She's still holding his hand as they run down the hills to get to their positions. This makes her happier than it really should, but while she's trying to forget how to feel feelings, Greed lets go.

His ultimate shield spreads over his body, and Ed claps to get her automail blade ready. The chimeras have already changed to their part animal forms so that they could scout ahead, and it's really good timing because they've run into a goddamn a patrol.

"Kill them." Greed orders, and the foursome jump into battle. Ed and Greed fight side by side, literally back to back. She can feel his heartbeat through her own chest, his movements a mirror to her own. They fight together and fit together and Ed's brain should really _not_ be going through all the connotations and metaphors for those statements, but hey, she's a genius. She has to use up her mental capacity somehow. And she has to take her mind off of the blood and flesh and bits of skin and eyes across her clothes; the way they are literally ripping the opposition apart, as if they were more animals than human.

A few minutes later, and some quick footwork and fancy saves, Ed and Greed lean on each other and gaze at the bodies around them. Ed can feel the throbbing of the bullet hole in her ear, the scratches on her face and she pauses to spit blood out of her mouth. Greed watches in morbid curiosity, before holding her arms and pulling her closer to him. He gently kisses her lips, before swirling his tongue in her mouth, removing the taste of blood and leaving the aftertaste of liquor and liquorice dancing across her taste buds like a ballerina on LSD.

- / -

Heinkel and Darius miss the kiss because they are too busy puking their guts out, and trying to figure out when they let animal instincts rule their bloody lives because "fucking human intestines taste worse than mess slop and rations, and that is fucking saying _something_"; and hoping they can get drunk or high or thoroughly fucked sometime soon.

* * *

_3. i'd break into hell for you_  
_[Promised day, part ii]_

Greed is going frantic. He has only been fighting Wrath for a couple of minutes when the Buccaneer dude had joined in, using the chain from his automail as a whip (So. Badass.), and Fu, the Prince's ninja minion had decided that he was gonna play too. Their _amazing teamwork_ -where _were _his gang when you needed them? They _had_ practised for this after all- meant that Wrath fell off of the side of a building, and Greed cannot be bothered to find out whether he is still alive or not. Ed is down, under the city somewhere, where there may or may not be at least one homunculus gunning for her, and there are undead zombies everywhere and he is absolutely not panicking. Oh, and Heinkel and Darius are down there somewhere too. Lovely.

'_You're not fooling anyone, you know.'_ Ling says, conversationally.  
Greed starts and tries to glare at the voice in his head. '_And where were you when you could have been useful?'_ He snarls, and Ling only raises an eyebrow, before taking control and using his weird mojo to find Ed's 'pulse' (Greed still doesn't understand how it works, but he'll learn one day. After all, he has enough time). Ling lurches back, and Greed can feel an unnatural sense of a thousand tortured, screaming souls before the two can separate themselves from the wave.

Ling spirits them to a ventilation shaft, running down the narrow space with the skill only a ninja has. Sure, Greed could do it if he really wanted to, but the fact is that he can _feel_ Ling's worry, and the only way to take that is that one of his possessions is going to be lost and that is **unacceptable**. They ignore the angry yells behind them, they're not his possessions, Greed is certainly not one of theirs, so they can go and fuck themselves.

He snarls angry, pushing to go faster down the tunnels. There is a jump, a sprint and then Greed realises that he is now in control. '_This is where I traced Ed to. There's another chi like yours, and _two_ huge explosions of chi. That's what you felt earlier.'  
_"Daddy dearest and my lovely eldest brother are back from the dead and trying to steal from me again? Jeeze. Can't they get new plots?" Greed's sarcasm is biting and the overwhelming anger he feels can almost overpower the avarice that has been his constant companion since forever.

He breathes once, and jumps into the closest representation of hell that he had ever managed to think of. Greed lands gracefully, catlike, and his eyes immediately seek out Ed, even though he is fighting. He's talking an awful lot, he knows, but he doesn't really understand what he is saying. Greed is focused on drinking in the fact that Ed is not only alive but largely unharmed, and also her top is covered in sweat and her coat is open and her chest is heaving and the throbbing, pounding desire to claim, to own, to _possess _echoing in both his heart and mind. Greed by name, greed by nature.

He sees Ed staring back, and cheekily blows her a kiss at the end. She blushes, but her eyes dart around the lair (there is no other word for it), and she can see the danger before it comes. Greed's eyes widen, and he reaches out- but he misses. Ed involved in the transmutation array coming from Father; and he can't stop it. And the pain- there's so much of it, even for him. He's not human, but he's not entirely homunculus anymore either, and he feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest and he screams and falls to the floor.

This is hell. But they'd get out. He and Ed. They always did, somehow.

* * *

_4. i'll dream of you before i die_  
_[Promised day, part iii]_

Ed is understandably, fucking angry at this point. Her brother has just sacrificed his _fucking soul_ just to get **her** _arm_back. An arm is a poor substitute for a brother, especially one that she's been happy without for around four years. Mustang, the bastard, and Hawkeye; the pair she likes to think of as invulnerable and damn near unbeatable; are in a bad shape- blind and a hole in the chest- and they are absolutely no help. There is a Ling _sans_ Greed, which seems fucking unnatural, the gate has just _stolen_ the body of the being she had worked so hard to destroy- and, to top the shit show all off with a motherfucking cherry, her father, who has only just returned to her life, has decided that the best way to show his love for his children would be to _die. _ So when she slugs him in the face with the arm that used to be metal, it's not wholly unexpected. Plus, it's her time of the month and she has no chocolate. She's allowed.

Ed glares the crowd into submission, and takes a stick off of the ground. There is silence as she draws the circle that she is so intimately familiar with on the ground. The human transmutation circle; the array that ruined her life and yet _made it_. It has come full circle. Hohenheim looks at her, his face an ugly shade of white that clashes with his long gold hair. "Are you sure, Ed?" She smiles back, and for one moment, all of her emotions are visible on her face. Her gold eyes are empty of everything except desperation, her smile lacks warmth and her hand twitches. Ling catches her eyes and nods. It is all or nothing for Ed and this is probably going to be her last transmutation circle. Izumi sheds a tear, and hides her eyes. Heinkel and Darius look at her, and as one rush towards her, trying to reach her, trying to stop what they know is going to happen, they've lost enough, dammit-

-Ed claps and the world goes white.

Truth is there, sitting in front of her door. "_Hello, Edward Elric. Back again? What a shame…"_  
"Hello, Truth" Ed says, and her voice echoes around the empty space. "I have come to make a… deal with you." Truth smiles, but it seems to be an honest smile this time. Not quite friendly, mind, but still, happy in some way. Ed is not sure whether this is a good or bad omen. "_Go on._"  
"Well, I have killed most of the homunculi that were on Earth, releasing the souls from their philosopher's stones-" If Truth had eyes, its eyebrows would be raised. "- And with philosopher's stones, one can use alchemy previously considered impossible. So, can it be considered that the souls returned to you would be worth, say, my brother back? The _whole_ of him?"

Truth laughs. Ed blinks. Truth continues to laugh. Eventually, the cackles subside. "_Oh, _Edward." It sounds like it is talking to a lover, or a very, very close friend. "_This is the first time someone has ever tried to make a deal with me."_ Ed rolls her eyes. "_And I admire your courage in doing so. So, yes, indeed, you may have your brother back._"

A door appears out of the white, before it crumbles and Al appears. She rushes over to him, hugging him tightly and kissing his forehead. Al grips her back, weak and feeble, but human and _alive_, and Ed can feel tears of sheer joy running down her face. Truth smiles again, slightly cruel this time, and as another door appears, Ed turns to face Truth again. Out tumbles a second copy of Ling, a little taller and with slightly spikier hair. His clothes are similar to the ones that the Greed she met in Dublith wore and she stares at him in wonder.

Greed gives a cocky grin and a wave. Ed walks over to him, whilst Al, still sat down cross-legged, watches Truth for any signs of betrayal. She puts out a delicate finger and- pokes him in the chest. Greed is solid, and he leers down at her. Immediately, she hugs him tightly. Greed kisses her forehead and calls her a sap, and they both listen to each other's heartbeat for a minute.

- / -

Al and Truth smile in the background, one is honestly happy, happy to have his sister back, happy to have his body back and happy to be going home soon; whilst the other is more enigmatic.

* * *

_5. i knew i'd do anything for you_  
_[Promised day, part iv]_

"_And what, Edward, will you trade for this,"_ Truth's lips curl upwards, "_Homunculus_." Greed looks alarmed and pulls Ed tighter to his chest. "Nope. No, no, no. Not for me, not for Alphonse, not for anyone. No trades." He glares at Truth, and then down at Ed. "**Get it?**" He doesn't want Ed to trade anything for him. He likes her the way she is, happy and whole, and she's just managed to obtain the only thing _her_ avarice has ever screamed out for. She should just leave him here; let him have his heroic sacrifice and moment of selflessness. Ed slaps him and stomps over to Truth.

He can't hear what the two are saying, though Ed looks angry and the Truth doesn't stop smiling. This is not a good omen. He stands near Alphonse and takes in the (previously) armoured boy's new body. "Personally," he starts, "I preferred the armour. You looked suitably _mean_." Alphonse smiles up at him, a smile full of warmth and trust. Greed is not sure what he has done to deserve it, nor why it makes him feel warm inside. "It had its advantages, yes, but I am so _glad_ to have **my** body back at last. We were never sure when the soul bond was going to fail, and I like to be able to feel things again." The earnest tone of voice, the pure happiness in it is too sweet for Greed. He feels like he is going to throw up rainbows or some shit like that. There should be laws against people like Alphonse seems to be- far too happy and nice.

"And that's a deal, right?" Ed says loudly, and both males turn to look at the girl and deity before them.  
"_Yes. The souls from the philosopher's stones for Alphonse; the arm that you willingly sacrifice, along with one litre of blood and the souls that do wish to return to being in an immortal body to explore the Earthly plane again before they return here for the homunculus._"

He feels mildly confused and a lot gratified. There were souls from his philosopher's stone that wanted to return to him, though maybe some of them came from Hohenheim. That'd be… odd. Maybe he'll have to work on his visualisation and get Ling to help him and actually talk to all of his souls. Hmm.

A great stone door appears. "_This will take you home."_ Truth says with another of its toothy grins. "_Oh, and Edward? I don't expect to see you here for a _very long time." Ed smiles and waves at the being, Alphonse copying her. Greed walks towards her, his footsteps echoing on the cold white floor. "You shouldn't have done that." He snarls, not angry at her saving him, angry at her losing another part of herself. It has just hit him that she's sacrificed her _fucking arm_ for him, like Lan Fan did for Ling, and like she already had done for Al. It was not fucking _fair, _dammit. She shouldn't care for him; he doesn't deserve it and doing wonderful, stupid self-sacrificing things had become _his_ job, not _hers. _"I told you **not** to do that." His hands are on her shoulders, digging in slightly, and his face slightly above hers. Ed looks up at him, her eyes clear and undaunted, unabashed, unashamed on what she has just done. "'_For something to be gained, something of equal value must be given_', or so they say. Personally," She says, and a soft smile plays across her lips, "I think I got the better side of the deal there. _You_," and Greed can feel the emotion behind the word and he loosens his grip on her shoulders, "are worth _everything_."

And as she presses those rosebud lips to his own, Greed forgets about everything and only focuses on the lovely possession that seems to have a possessive streak to rival his own.

- / -

Al looks awkwardly at the door, and hopes to leave this white plane soon. He wants to see May, and what happened to Mustang, and to see Teacher, and to touch the soil and smell dust after rain and experience the _world._ So if his sister could just jolly well _hurry up…_

* * *

+ 1 and live like lovers in the stars on the money  
[the obligatory post-apocalypse party]

Let one thing be said for militaristic dictatorships: they know how to hold a parade. And everyone is always up for a party, especially when they survive the most "exciting" event since the civil war in Ishval about twelve years ago.

Ed is standing in the crowd of mixed fighters, instead of the orderly lines of Amestris's military. Mustang's crew are in their best uniforms and even the majority of the Briggs battalion are here in Central. She is leaning against Darius' shoulder, gold eyes searching for her brother. He's to the left of her, talking quietly to Teacher, looking thin and ragged but smiling as if he had won the lottery. She stirs when Darius claps a hand to her shoulders. "It's starting," He mutters.

Ed cranes her neck, but Darius lifts her onto his own board shoulders, making Heinkel have a fit of the giggles. "Is he shitfaced already?" Ed whispers into Darius' ear, and she smirks as he gives a slight nod. It was nice to know that even not being on the run anymore didn't change people and their habits, even if they weren't particularly nice ones. She respectfully shut up once acting Fuhrer Grumman started speaking, though she tuned out after the first two minutes. Greed, though she could tell that Ling was close to the surface, was standing at the front of their improvised lines, as he's supposed to be getting an award of some crap like that. Come to think of it, she's supposed to be getting one too. Hm. '_It better be something good, otherwise Greed and Ling'll both be bitching about it all the way to the nearest tavern, and Heinkel and Darius will piss themselves laughing and I'll be left with some shit that I can't even sell...'_Ed gives a hearty sigh, and has to fight down a laugh as she notices Greed pulling faces at her.

And then there's a split second and then there are two pulling faces at her and Ed hardly dares to breathe. Truth made good on its end of the deal- a litre of her blood, her life's liquid, to allow Greed and Ling to split themselves into two separate entities for a limited time. Greed immediately rushes over and joins the trio's slightly disrespectful gathering.

Heinkel is suddenly sober. "What on_Earth_ just happened?" He whispers and the sentiment is shared by all of the people who originally turned around to shut them. Darius gives an experimental, hard poke to Greed's chest. "No idea." He grunts in reply, though Ed can tell that he is actually remarkably calm and cheerful about the whole thing. Then again, Greed's immortal and pulls shit like this on a regular basis. She slides down Darius like he's a fireman's pole and grins up to Greed.

"You did this?" He asks, dark crimson orbs gazing into her own. Ed nods happily. "You traded... for _this?_" Ed nods again, wondering what the problem is.

"Miss Elric, my dear woman, I believe I may be the tiniest bit in love with you," Greed pronounces loud enough for everyone to hear, interrupting Grumman's speech and making everyone stare. He moves a hand reverently up her face, until he is cupping her chin. And then, with a mischievous smirk, making sure everyone is watching, he proceeds to snog the living daylights out of her.

It's perfect.

- / -

Heinkel almost gives a proper cheer, but limits himself to a fist pump. He's not that drunk yet. He sniggers a bit when Darius gives an exclamation of "at fucking last," while glaring anyone who would want to interrupt into submission.

Ling, from his corner, starts clapping, which is continued by Alphonse. Both of their eyes promise pain if Ed is ever hurt, though they are so happy for her right now if they were female they would be crying. Alex Armstrong has no such reservations and is cheering and sobbing and stripping.

Izumi reminds herself to give Ed 'the Talk' while she and her husband clap along with them

Mustang's mouth is hanging open, his face is white and his eyepatch is slipping down his face. It's all their little group can do not to burst out laughing, but they end up breaking formation and clapping, while Hawkeye helps the Colonel tidy himself up.

Gruman, high command and most of the enlisted join in the clap; and the Brigs soldiers and all of the civilians take this as a sign to join in. Most women are remarking about how romantic it is, while the young people in the crowd seem to be jealous that both halves of the couple are taken. The little kids remark on how gross and boring it all is, and the males of the crowd are mostly falling asleep.

And Ed and Greed, unaware of anything but themselves, allow themselves on perfect moment after what seems like an eternity of running.

- / -

["Am I your girl-friend now, or something?" She asks him later, when Greed is making an attempt to drink vodka like it's water and the terrible twosome are karokeing with some drunk tourists from Xing.

"Nope," Greed snorts. It sounds too... innocent, childlike. And they'd been through too much together to just be like that. "How about my _Lover_? That work for you, Kitten?"

Ed blushes scarlet. "But.. But we haven't...-"

Greed smirks lecherously and pulls her closer, casually groping her chest. "We can work on it", he breathes into her ear, before throwing some money at the barmaid. He picks Ed up bridal-style, pausing to kiss her pretty pink lips, before he makes his way up the back stairs to where the establishment's best room was waiting for them to christen it.]

* * *

**A.N: **C: Are you all pleased with your Christmas fic? Is it as good as I promised it would be? [I really, really hope it is because I am not writing another 5,000 words for as long as I can possibly put it off xD]

There is going to be a beta-d version of this coming up soon, but I thought it best to put this up before I am skinned alive. C;

Title and lyrics are from "_Partner in Crime_" by "_Poets and Pornstars"_. [Don't judge me! It's just a band!]

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Have a great Christmas [/assorted other winter celebrations]

-_Tom_


End file.
